happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize