he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize