I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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