Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize