so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize