Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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