i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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