she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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