Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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