Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
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he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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