my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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