I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You've changed since you got that strap on
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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