My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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