Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize