1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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