1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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