Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
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see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
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I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
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