Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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