I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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