then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
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Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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