JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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