Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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