i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize