How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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