Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
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