Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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