I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
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I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
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He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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