It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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