Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
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I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
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I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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