I puked a lego.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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