my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Say something about gay babies.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize