I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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