just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
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i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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