he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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