my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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