I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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