You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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