My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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