I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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