He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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