we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, beer. Big fan.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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