If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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