The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize