DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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