I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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