honey bunches of taint.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize