First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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