you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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