i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
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I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
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I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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