I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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